How is it that one person can question the people around him and not know the answer to that question. The questions asked are "why doesn't any one believe in me?" or "why won't anyone get close to me?" Well pal, let me give it to you straight.

1) You haven't done anything for us to put our faith in you. Rather... You break our trust.
2) People get close to you, you just cut us off.

Really... People like him need to get a clue and stop making excuses for their weaknesses. If you say you'll do something then have more conviction and make it come true instead of blaming those around you.

Boo to the Ichigo Ichie journal! Down with it! >=0

I swear.. I need to get this off my chest. But I really do hate it when people try to look the age they no longer are. *cough Madonna *cough. I know Mariah Carey and J.Lo are still fairly young, but I feel they need to realize that they are both nearing 40 and like Madonna need to stop acting hotter than what they are now.

Yes, I'm being mean and pretty bitter <.< There will be a time when I'll get to their age and probably will still do things that make me feel young and youthful. It's just everytime I see Madonna's cd cover I'm like *slaps head* OMG. Don't get me wrong, I like the music I just don't appreciate things like their awful music videos and obscene pictures.

I'm such a bad student. I woke up on time and everything, but refused to get up and get ready until the last minute. Then I got all my stuff slowly and realized I only had 15 minutes until class started. It takes me 22 minutes just to get to school. I ended up staying home, telling myself that I would go to Japanese, even though the thought of having to drive so far away for just one class is really unsettling. The truth is, I skipped classes just for anime and I just don't care anymore. My grades SUCK and I'll probably fail them anyways. Overall... I just need a break from everything... School... Work... And sadly people.

Saturday, my professor did her usual complaints and random comments. She tells us we're going on a short break and then that break ends up lasting for 22 minutes, because she is so slow. I mean sounds nice, but c'mon. This is the WEEKEND I WANNA GO HOME ASAP. Plus.. I had some lesson planning to do before tutoring right after class <.< Anyways, she was late because she saw a bag in the bookstore that said "Poop" on it. "I thought to myself how stupid and bought my snacks then left. Then I came back and stood in line to buy it. It's the little girl inside of me. Then I was looking for the bathroom and ended up circling the place twice." -_- On top of this buying of a tiny bag that says "Poop" on it, she went as far as to buy all of them "so that no one else can have the same bag."

Then my favorite part into our 20 minute lecture is when she says "n is moles, right?- Actually I have this lump on my leg. So n is moles, right?" Someone... save me from this airheaded teacher.

Sunday was the first time I felt like I had a weekend. Tutoring and hanging out with both Henry and Han. OMFG I haven't hung out with Henry for such a long time (In & Out doesn't count Henry). We had crepes, shopped a bit, and ate a bunch of other food. I would have gobbled my crepe up faster if the place made it with chocolate ice cream... I ask for a nutella and it's a thin layer of chocolate stuffed with vanilla ice cream. Pah!

I swear.. The weather is weird. 2 HOT days and now this cold windy day. Don't get me wrong, I like cold and windy days. I just like a more smoother transition into these changes. It's like dealing with mother nature's pms mode.

It's hard keeping up with a xanga and live journal. I just get to be too lazy to rewrite an entry, even if it means reiterating information I've already stated in previous blogs. 

Stats should die. I  mean, sure it was never alive in the first place, but humor me for just a few seconds that it is alive and I'm stabbing it to death. My professor is just making the class harder, because too many students are doing well. F.Y.I. I am NOT one of those students, so I'm basically getting screwed here. How can I study for something that doesn't even work on my computer? -_-

I failed another test today in Stats and most likely got half the problems wrong on the fat packet he gave us, which he never made for all the other years he has been teaching (like 10 years).

After Japanese, I walked down the Ohlone steps planning how I wanted to spend my 3 hour break time at home. I get in the car and turn the key to start up the engine.... start up the engine... START UP THE ENGINE!!! >=0 WHY WON'T YOU START? *Looks at the headlight switch.... it's on.... slams head into steering wheel* No seriously, I did.

I've been waiting for my mom to come with my jumper cables that I lent her for over half an hour. -_- I think she has forgotten about me...

As you can see... TODAY IS NOT MY DAY.

I really need to start studying. I'm falling behind in my classes. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I'm doing poorly in my classes. All it means is that my bsing level has gone down, because I have missed out on material and therefore have nothing to bs with. *sigh* I got my first B on a Japanese test. I really hate past tenses and casual form isn't helping my much either...

Tutoring 4 students now. It's putting a strain on me, since I'm supposed to further the education of 3 out of 4 of my students. I lack materials and the direction to help these students, but so far all is going well. It just takes up my time from studying. In fact, because I'm studying so much on their material to form a lesson plan and packets I just don't have any energy to study for myself. Baskins isn't making things any easier for me either.

I really want to make my spring break a BREAK, but that's just not happening with these students and Baskins. On top of this, I have to make time for my Dad. Please people... REMIND ME TO NOT DO TUTORING THE NEXT YEAR. It really cuts into my time.

Shit.. I still have to do taxes.

The only thing I've done for myself so far this break is hang out with Caroline, dinner reunion with 3 friends, and hike mission peak at 5AM. I swear... that's a good work out. The American badminton team should constantly hike it every weekend lol I went with Eric and my sister. Both of them needed a lot of breaks and so I had to pretty much drag them up to the peak. Overall, the cows stink and are scary, the weather is really cold as you get higher, but the view is beautiful. It's so neat to be above the clouds. =] I have pictures, but I'm too lazy to get them off the memory card.

I'm beginning to feel very sore.

There is a reason why I don't like to go on facebook too much. The reason is quite simple, people and their pictures. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see my friends' memories, but somewhere inside me there is this darkness at the pit of my stomach.  Then feelings of envy and frustration collide with one another making me come back to the same realization and conclusion I haven't been living my youth to the best of its capabilities. Same way in high school. Nothing has been done. I'm alive, but feel so dead and unfulfilled.

I want to make new friends. I want to know what it's like to live in a dorm. I want to join clubs and feel apart of my school or belong to a group. Everything I was warned about when making choices for college has been hitting me wave after wave. When I was a 9th grader a college student told me not to go to a community college, because you miss out on so many different experiences. I can't believe I thought for a moment it was a ok to make such a sacrifice.

I wish I sent in my applications and didn't listen to my mom's request of going to a community college. As usual, she wouldn't and doesn't understand what I lose because of her decisions.

If you tell me to join Ohlone's clubs, then I will tell you straight up that I'm not interested in majority of them. It's like high school all over again, clubs that exist, but don't amount to much. Despite all this, I still would probably join at least one, but I can't make it to any of the meetings because of work.

I can never seem to get rid of this feeling of dissatisfaction with my life and feeling left behind. I always am chasing my friends' shadows and wish to bathe in the same light they have found for themselves. I hope I find mine soon. At the rate I'm going, I'm going to break.

I greatly dislike my Chemistry professor.  I'll leave it that. I don't want to complain any further on all of her faults and her stupidity. I need sleep and to get a move on my academic work.

Friday was good and bad (aside from chemistry). The bad is that my Stats class was once again cancelled on the day of a test, which I studied for and only received 2 hours of sleep from it. The good news is that Todd and I got to talk. =D I missed talking to him. Some more good news, the Japanese test was open book. I saw Eric and Alex.

I feel like keeping things short today, mainly because my brain can't think straight.... I have to go to work in 18 minutes. Then I have to make a lesson plan for tomorrow's tutoring session. Ain't life grand?

I'm not going to get into the damn Taiwanese program, unless I can finish my personal statement and applications!!! ARGH!! PULL IT TOGETHER JENNIFER!

So the confirmation just came in last night that I am now to tutor 2 students for 1 hour every Sunday. That sounds great and all., it just means I'll be making $105 by the end of the week from all 3 students and can get back the $266 + some odd cents that I loss from my recently purchased chemistry books.

Now I just need to balance my school work and teaching plans. I don't know how much time I should spend in one area. It really doesn't help with the fact that this isn't homework help, more like advancing a student just because their parents want them to look good for the CAT6 testing. I'm sure these children are really fast learners, and I don't want to teach them far beyond the level they should be at. I don't want another repeat version of me. I was ahead of the regular math students for 2 years and developed a HUGE laziness that I carried with me into high school. By the time I got into 8th grade, the school finally noticed I was ahead of my current classmates, so they offered to put me into the math honors program (this is 2nd semester mind you). I took a look at the diagnostic test and was blown away. The students in this class were ahead of me, but I knew there was no way I could pass their class since I'm missing so much that they have already covered.

I ended declining it and wondered if that really was the right decision. I still wonder sometimes. Normally, I'm up to the challenge even if the favor isn't in my court.

I'm just wondering how long I can keep up with the Sunday teaching. I'm just a tutor. Now, I have to act as a teacher. Don't get me wrong, I've taught Korean students English. Now there is a LANGUAGE BARRIER. I really had no direction, I was 16 at the time and thrown into that room by my boss. I just remember, I didn't have the maturity for the job, because I lacked some patience and wasn't able to properly access the level of one student. Uhh, when I say I lacked patience it doesn't mean that I went ballistic on the student. They were about my age now that I think about it.

I just don't like the thought of having absolutely no direction and I have to keep this up until June. How the hell do I advance these students for the CAT6 and keep them at bay to prolong the lesson until June? Week one accessing their abilities? Week two introducing them to something new? Week three a combination of where I thought they were weak and applying their skills to what I taught them the last week? Week four is a repeat of week three? Week five, teach them something new?

Help me anyone?

Last night was like how you get when it's the first day of school. You know you should sleep early for that one stupid morning class you regret signing up for. I stayed up until about 2 AM, then decided to hit the sack. So I get in bed and close my eyes. 30 minutes later, I'm cursing the black milk tea that I had at 3:30ish. I totally forgot that cold tea has this affect on me HOURS afterward and lasts for HOURS. I think what partially kept me up was the First Love song by Utada Hikaru that randomly jumped in my head as I tried to sleep, and the thought of being unable to wake up at 6 AM. It was pretty hard trying to push that thought aside. Good news, I managed to fall asleep probably around 4 AM.

Stats was boring. The professor was late. Why place emphasis on being on time by threatening a reduction of points from our grade if you can't even come on time? His lectures wouldn't be so bad if he didn't make tangents from the actual lecture and if the people around me didn't clack away at the keyboard, while I'm trying to listen. I mean, good for you person on my left, I know you took Stats in high school, but please... Do your English homework at HOME. Person on my right, stop surfing the net looking at your remaining AT&T minutes, I mean you can't even work the excel program that is basically our "textbook" and most likely don't comprehend 10% of our vocabulary terms, because you fail to pay attention to the lecture that is explaining + applying them.

I normally wouldn't be such a grouch about this, but seriously... I wake up for this class only to be hindered by awful, small, narrow handwriting by the professor, and classmates clacking away at the computer before them, which makes it hard to concentrate. Furthermore, the girl on my right is retarded. There are 3 boxes. The first box asks for how many problems you want. The second asks for what problem number you want to start off with. The third is for up to what problem you want to work up to. (Example: Problems 4-10) The girl next to me is clicking at the button that says NEXT PROBLEM. I told her to she has to click on NEW SET OF PROBLEMS, because she just started up the program, therefore she need to put up a SET of them. She nods her head to indicate she understands, then continued to press NEXT PROBLEM. What a retard, I ended up touching the screen where it says New Set of Problems. Once she clicked that, she kept clicking on Next Problem to find the problem that was on the overhead screen for the projector (even though we were on vocab lecture... not even using the program). I look to see what her issue with the program is. The program set the boxes, which I explained earlier, to select "problems" 28-28.

I told her that she can't keep clicking on NEXT PROBLEM, because the program is set to being only able to show ONLY problem #28. Again, she nods and continues to be an idiot clicking impatiently at NEXT PROBLEM. I gave up on her and she eventually gave up on clicking the button after 200 clicks. Jeez, if it doesn't work the second, third, or fourth time... I think that sort of means and indicates something. I mean, while we're in Stats, let me draw a freaking scatter plot for you to show the correlation of clicking on NEXT PROBLEM and if you are actually getting another problem.

Once again, I have not only neglected my LJ, but have forgotten it's existence. I'm not sorry for this =D

I glanced over a couple blogs and thought, wow what a bitch in one of them. Alyssa did her best in that MVAL game past Jen! Dumb ass! L2 spell.

I still blog in my xanga, but they changed the lay out so I'm kinda, eh about it.

Ichigo Ichie is a saying in Japanese Tea Ceremony that means "Once in a lifetime opportunity." My mom just came into my room with an update about my cousin, Lauren. Lauren has been on this winning basketball team since her elementary years and they have now made it to the international level. Their first game is in Japan sometime in August. I'm so proud of her, but kinda =/ since I know she isn't so sure if she really likes basketball. I think she likes the sport, just not the expectations.

For those of you who don't know. My exchange student thing was unattainable mostly due to the amount of money it would cost. Oh well, other ways to get to Japan. Anyways, another dream of mine was to go to Taiwan + teach outside of the country. I can kill 2 birds with one stone here in this program Henry and I are going to try to get into. All I need is the money for the airplane ticket, my English knowledge + Mandarin (MUST WORK HARD AT THIS), and "teaching skills." But most of all, my burning excitement to immerse myself in Taiwan culture, food, and be a semi tourist! Just need to get accepted first and finish  my damn applications....

My dad, now living in China, heard about this and now wants me to give him exact dates so I can rendezvous with him at Hong Kong before or after Taiwan.

Now this is where everything collides. The Taiwanese- English Teaching Program ends last week of July, first week of August. I don't have to join the group for the remaining week of tourism. I can just take off and meet my dad in Hong Kong, then fly over to Japan and meet up with my grandparents, which would then mean my hotel expenses are paid for. I also get to visit the places of our Japanese origins and test my Japanese speaking/reading ability. Unfortunately, my Japanese is like how Mandarin is to my sister. Can read and write, just not speak... Well I can understand it when spoken to me (the BASIC stuff that is).

The only catch is when my cousin's game is at. SO WHEW! A LOT TO TAKE IN. I just hope I can attain it all in ONE SHOT. If Henry and I don't get accepted, then we plan to just take summer school courses, hopefully they will end early August or in July, and I can visit all the places still without time constraint... just money issues for me since I have to come up with the money. "Money is the root of all evil" -George Bernard Shaw. I know Shaw... I know...

Money totally also applies to why I'm doing nursing. I don't like needles, but I'll bear with them. I just remembered while my mom was talking to me why I decided to go into nursing first, rather than my original plan. I'm still helping people, but I do need the money to help my mom pay for my sister's college tuition. This is a long shot, but hopefully, if my nursing position is flexible enough, I can go back to school and make a futile attempt to change majors and become a teacher.

Let's be realistic here. Children typically like younger people and I'd rather be in my prime where I have a lot of vivacious energy radiating off of me and into the hearts of the children so they will remember me and grow up to be respectable people in the future. Nursing in itself is going to be a demanding job, which would also mean that I need my youthful energy. I just don't want to feel like I made the wrong decision, because I firmly believe that you only have one shot at life.

Anyways! I don't want to keep on dreaming. I will try to make my dreams a reality. Same goes for the rest of you! Remember! Ichigo Ichie! Don't let an opportunity pass by you!

I totally forgot I wrote that poem. Man, I must have freaked Tiffany out A LOT. But then again, that's how our friendship all started; me being ultra weird.

A lot of things of been popping in and out of my head lately. Things like, why do I bother doing the things I do and why do I bother not doing the things I want to do? Example: Why is it that I even bothered going to the American gym and watch the AHS badminton team practice? Clearly, I wasn't going to get to play and I was just going to be a bother to the team. So why? It makes no sense. The same thing is as of with their games. Why bother going? I know I want to support them, but then... there is this severed tie that makes me longer a teammate. More of a bump in the middle of the road that is in their way.

Second example is: I wake up everyday telling myself I'm going to do something other than the standard routine to actually make use of my life, my youth, and my day, but I never do anything out of the ordinary. It's so frustrating how I want to do things, but my feet won't budge. I'm simply glued to the floor with my fear and laziness. It's so funny how everything I do and don't do is always, always outlined by my laziness. I'm just pathetic and I'm wallowing in it, because I can't get out of it. I really need to get a grip on myself and on life. Really... all these years, I've only been half alive and I really want to start living, but it's so hard when you feel like you're dying.

I gagged a lot....so dun get any ideas, alright? it was a spur of the moment thing

Fair Maiden from the heavenly stars,
You have captured my heart and soul
The tenderness you show when putting pencil to paper
Makes my heart pound with every stroke
The sneezes you make,
Are like the summer breezes that blow the dainty dandelions
I am all yours,
But will you be mine
Oh sweet angel?

Your hair...
Oh God, yes!
Your blessed hair
As short as it might be,
It still shines brighter than any other amaongst the crowd
Please,
Will you be my starlit now?

At night,
I admire the undergarments of which you wear
Black, purple, pink, and a color like pear
Your panties always smell so sweet
Makes me feel like I'm caught in an early summer's "heat"

Oh sweet Tiffany,
Will you be mine?
I pledge to love you
From head,
Past toes,
To underwear,
And promise to never forget your
Awesome hair
I'd speak of your bosom
That you hold up so proud
But then agian,
I fear,
That you are reading this poem a loud

Now don't be embarrassed
It's only just me
Your very wif- I mean husband to be
Now say yes
And kiss me

[I have this box with drawn lips entitled "Kiss here"]

Don't try to find me
For I'll find you
And receive your lucious lips
Right under tonight's
Full moon

(How's 9 o'clock?)

Weird poem huh? lol

Updated my fanfic story:

only one chapter...no reviews back waaah!

AP Testing:

AP English is a God next to AP Bio!!! Man...those essays for bio were HARD!!!!

Badminton (MVALs):

6th place...eh..partner had a sprained ankle, didn't think in the game an didn't even bother to try her best..o well, but hey! Amanda Ho got first place!

AIM:

Just started getting back to it

Love Life:

What love life?

Corny Jokes:

I shall never run out of that mojo

Weirdness:

Well my sister thinks i'm weird...same about my mom...and dad....and friends...and other pple

Most embarrassing thing this week:

I was sittin down and saw this guy slighlty bent over, stood behind him, put my fingers together and shouted "Secret technique!" while thrustin my fingers at his butt crack...Linda Wang's ex saw me do this and said, "what the hell?!" NO!!! I DID NOT TOUCH THE BUTT!!! anways, i only did it because i thought the guy was my friend herman, but turned out to be some freshman i dun even kno....he looked at me strangely..

Today's "conniving scheme":

Write a secret admirer poem to a friend, then stick it in her locker he he he....then watch he reaction...i'll post it up....but then again...u might think i'm really weird!

I have some crazy dreams...All which I can't reach!!!! I'll even list some for you.

* 4.0 student in high school
* Foreign exchange student while in high school
* Pass AP exams
* Get an A in AP biology
* Learn Japanese where I'm someone fluent, can read and write somewhat
* Get my permit!!!
* Be an English teacher in Japan for about 2-4 years and then become a nurse!!!

I think this is where I want to stop Jen's secret info....

had loads of fun, but da endin, i think we could have dun better..hmm kudos to da food, badminton, games, etc. no kudos for jeff's annoyin pokes, carolyn's spank, our ability to come up w/ a simple game to play, and so forth. another bad kudo was my not eatin...yes..i dun eat a lot anymore *sigh anyways, i hope amanda does somethin like this again he he he....o yea! we played scrabble and i got to spank jeff booyah! too bad..he thot da last hit was me...wen it was carolyn!!!! and all her "witnesses" pointed their finger at me...*sigh no fair!!!! i'm innocent!!

i predicted dat today was gonna b a bad day today and i was correct....anyways bought new shoes finally and went kayakin

found aaron's email or should i call him terrance? lol got 3 pics of him now booyah!omg...i'm so stupid...just now i picked up da phone and did the usual "how may i help u?" but then they asked if someone was in, said yes dat person is in, and then i said a stupid thing..."may i plz take a msg?" 0_0! i'm supposed to ask "may i ask wat is this call for?" argh!!! i have a slight heachache and need to wake up....once more victor slept over...my mom never eats breakfast unless he is there...y can't he just go home and stay there?!! must he always hang at my place? here come back da starvin days now.....

oi!!! i really...REALLY....REEAAALLYY want to go somewhere!!! i want to do somethin!! i'm tired of work and sat classes (which i really dun try in...bad... -_-)they keep interferin w/ w.e. it dat i really want to do. oi clib meetin soon, i really hope dis cluib starts and dat it's successful ^ ^ so all da pple who go to my school, better join it!! it's da chinese american cultural society...well i want it to b azn cultural society so i can learn more bout other azn groups, so hopefully it is change lol but there is da conflict w/ da name cuz of da azn club..*sigh

dis is hilarious stuff!!! there's an actual book called, the day my butt went psycho! by andy griffiths he he he

""Until recently, zack's butt had confined itself to a variety of harmless pranks, such as attaching itself to the faces of statues and passerby. But on its last outing it had joined a pack of five hundred feral butts who had lined the emergency stopping lane of the South Eastern Freeway and mooned all the poeple driving to work. This stunt had caused many accidnets, which the butts had thought was ppretty funny. The sentencing judge, however, was not amused and placed them all on twelve months' probation."

" ' Uh oh,' said Zack. He wasn't sure who was in more danger- Mittens or his butt. Mittens was always catching birds and mice and leaving them half chewed on the front doorstep. But she had never caught a butt before. Well, not as far as Zack knew, anyway. And a half- chewed butt on the doorstep wouldn't be something you'd likely not to notice. Still, he didn't want to take any chances.

Before Zack had time to do anything, however, Mittens leaped.

Before Zack's butt was faster.

It bent over, aimed itself directly at Mittens , and fired a loud, deadly stream of gas. Mittens fell to the ground. Zack's butt took off up the street, its little arms and legs pumping away lik pistons.

Zack was shocked. He knew that his butt had gone feral, but he'd never seen it kill anything before. He had to get it back. He knew that once a butt gets a taste for killig, it is very difficult for it to stop.

But first he had to try to help Mittens.

Zack hobbled over to her body and knelt down. Poor Mittens wasn't doing too well. Zack pulled her head back, pinched her nostrils, and was preparing to give her mout- to- mouth rescitation when Mittens coughed.

She wasn't dead after all. She had just been stunned.

Zack breathed a sigh of relief.

So my butt isn't a killer, he thought. Not yet, anyway.

In the distance he could seethe dark shape of his butt diisappearing over the top of the hill.

He got up, pulled the cord of his pajamas as tight as possible, and ran after it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As he ran, Zack cursed his luck. All he wanted was a butt that would setlle down and just be a butt. A butt that wouldn't embarrass him in public at every possible opportunity. A butt that wouldn't make rude comments whenever he tried to talk to girls. At the very least, he'd settle for a butt that didn't jump off his body and gas cats in the middle of the night.

By the time Zack got to the top of the hill, his butt was already halfway down the other side, heading towar the local football stadium.

And it wasn't the only one either.

Zack couldn't believe what he was seeing.

There were butts everywhere. Pouring into the stadium from all directions.

It was an amazing sight.

Butts.

Hundreds of them.

Thousands.

Big butts.

Small butts.

Fat butts.

Scrawny butts.

Pimply butts.

Hairy butts.

Big wobbly butts tottering along on tiny white legs.

Tiny babies' butts crawling acrross the ground.

every sort of butt you could imagine was heading toward the stadium."

wat type of butt do u have? 0.~


Public - 7:05 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it


i just realized somethin while typin somethin to a person on aim!! ok it goes like dis. u kno da word always rite? well if u take out da l and s it makes away... oOoOoOo bet u never thot of dat he he he alrite yea, i kno it's very duh- like....but i'm bored!!! and just finished doin my daily chore of takin out da garbage and vacummin wen da janitor didn't do any cleanin...

*takes a huge whiff.....mmmmm......bath and body works fresia instant anti- bacterial hand gel....smells good wen most of da smell is gone...yes, i dun like really strong smells....unless it's like really good smellin food!! ^.^